Okay, here are the first four pages of our first draft of Little Red Riding Hood, be nice.
ACT I
Scene 1
Red Ridinghood enters and sits DC stage on a black rectangle wooden box. She has two mittens velcroed to the back of her cape that she does not let the audience see and a basket of cookies tied to her wrist and mittens on her hand. She waves a the audience as she sits. Then she takes off her mittens as she speaks and hides them in her costume.
RED RIDINGHOOD
Hello there. My name is Little Red Ridinghood. It's not my real name, but my real name is very hard to remember,So I call myself Red Ridinghood.You can call me red.Do you know why they call me Little Red Riding Hood? Because I wear this really cool red cape everywhere I go. It's pretty don't you think? I love it. You know what else I love? I love books. You learn the most interesting things in books. For instance I read once that No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times, it's true. they tried it on myth busters.
I also read that Apples, not caffeine, are better at waking you up in the morning, but Mom says apples don't come hot in styrofoam cups.
I did a report on bugs last year and did you know that the total combined weight of the worlds ant population is heavier than the weight of the human population? It's true, I think they must be so heavy because they go to so many picnics.
Whew, these lights are bright (or dim or whatever)That reminds me of a survey I read that said that 9 out of 10 people believe Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.This isn't true; a man named Joseph Swan did.Swan is a funny name , don't you think? (fact about swans) (she tastes a cookie) These cookies are so sweet, must be the honey. I once read that honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found edible.What was that conversation like, hey this honey looks good, okay you try it, no you try it, I know, give it to Mikey, he eats anything.
(she stops suddenly as if stuck to stage, she lifts her foot)Oh, yuck I stepped in something. (she sits to scrape off her shoe)Speaking of stepping my Grandma has a picture book with a huge photo of Neil Armstrong taking the first step onto the moon. Did you know he stepped on the moon with his left foot first? (still scraping shoe) do you know what I think is funny? Putting tape on cats paws, they shake and shake, then they walk, step, step, step, shake, step, step, step, shake, it's hilarious. Speaking of cats, did you know that Napoleon was terrified of cats. Fascinating isn't it? One of the greatest military strategists of all time afraid of cats. Well, I'm on my way to deliver some cookies. I like cookies. Do you like cookies? I've forgotten who I'm taking the cookies to, though. I think it's someone special. Do you know who it is? Oh,wow. That's right, Grandma. Thank you so much. Grandma likes cookies, too. Cookies! Cookies? Where are the cookies, Oh Mother doesn't like it when I lose the cookies she.... Oh, there they are. That's right. I'm pretty sure she doesn't trust me. Huh.
(she pauses and stares into space forgetting the audience is there, then she sees them and loudly whispers)
Why are you looking at me? (surprised) OH! (giggle) That's right, I've got to go to Grandma's house. I'll just get my mittens and......Uho, where'd my mittens go? They were right here.
(she spins around slowly several times looking for the mittens until the audience tells her they are there, then she plays with the audience trying to see the mittens and gets help to get the off)
Thank you very much. Off I go now. Toodaloo.Oh, one more thing, my Grandma says there are wolves in the forest,have you seen any wolves around today? No? Well, if you do, will you howl for me to let me know? Like this, AWWOOOO! Great, because of all the things wolves like to eat like mice and rabbits and little girls, this particular wolf prefers cookies!So, no matter what you must never tell the wolf where I am or what I have in my basket, okay?
Red exits SL and the wolf enters SR he goes to DC and stands on the box.children howl!Wolf howls back, etc until kids quiet down.
Wolf
Do you smell that?
(he goes out into the audience and sniffs them)
You smell that don't you. Whoa, he stinks, no wonder you can't smell it. (chokes, takes out can of spray, gives a squirt)Is it you? Do you have it. I know what it is, (howls) COOKIES.
(he does a cookie dance up to the stage and dances around the stage, lots of leaping and funny dancing)
Cookies, cookies, cookies. Cookies, cookies, cookies. Etc.
(Jumps and freezes then he eventually falls to the ground as he says the following dialogue)
WAIT! I want those cookies. I need those cookies. I love those cookies. I will die without those cookies.
(he turns sinister as he stands and says)
I will have those cookies. Because I always get what I want. Do you know why? Because I am the BIG...BAD...WOLF!
(roar until he chokes, hammer chest, snort and exit SR)
Now, let's see where was I? (pick a kid who looks brave) Okay, kid I'm gonna tickle your friend see, until he tells me what I wanna know. What I wanna know is, who has those cookies?!!! (howl, moves as if to tickle kid, Red comes onstage) Wait, they're very close, who has those cookies, you, is it you? Is it him? Or maybe, her? (wolf indicates red, someone will rat her out)
Red enters and crosses the stage a few times with funny chase scenes, such as...she sets her basket down and he trips over the string, she bends to pick up her dropped mitten as he leaps over her and misses, he sneaks up and she accidentally knocks him out with the basket. All the time the wolf gets hurt and she is oblivious. The final time he gets hurt he lies on the stage, gets up slowly and goes D stage to talk to the audience. While he is speaking Red comes up quietly behind him.
WOLF
This is not working. I'm going to have to make a better plan. I need to try out a couple of ideas. Maybe I need an assistant, how about you? (pick a boy) Okay now, let's see, I'm going to sneak up behind her like this. Wait, you need a basket. (goes to box rummages, finds basket. I have to sneak up behind her real slow like and...no, no this still isn't working I can't think without the cape (goes to box, pulls out red cape, puts it on boy) that's better now let's see I sneak up like, nope! Still not quite right (goes to box and pulls out long wig color of red's hair and places it on the boy)There we go! Now I sneak up on her like so...
Red taps him on the shoulder and he over reacts scared.
WOLF
Ahhgggg!!! Don't do that. I think I wet my pants.
(looks down) Nope, no pants. We're good.
RED RIDINGHOOD
Excuse me Sir, do you happen to know the way to Grandmother's house?I seem to have misplaced my map and this darn Global Positioning Satelite thingy is on the fritz again....(looks at wolf) wait a minute, are you a wolf?
WOLF
Why, whatever makes you say that?
RED RIDINGHOOD
(to audience)Does he look like a wolf to you?
WOLF
That is patently ridiculous, I am offended by your insinuation! (To audience) And you clam up or your friend here, gets it. (either hug volunteer to you or look for him if he has escaped back into the audience)
RED RIDINGHOOD
Just a minute, I know I have it here somewhere.(she has been rummaging in the box, she pulls out a guidebook to wolves)Here it is Wolf: any of several species characterized by large eyes, nose, ears and teeth belonging to the canine family, that certainly sounds like you.
WOLF
Nope, sorry Smith, I belong to the Smith family, now what was the question?
RED RIDINGHOOD
I still say this looks like you! Holds up book with picture of BBW in it to audience) don't you think?
WOLF
(looks at picture)He certainly is a handsome devil, isn't he? Nope not me, but if I see him around, who should I say is looking for him.
red riding Hood
My name is Little Red Ridinghood. It's not my real name, but it's very hard to remember,So I call myself Red Ridinghood.You can call me red.(she shakes the wolf's hand) But, I'm not supposed to talk to strangers.
WOLF
Now that we've been properly introduced, we're hardly strangers, why you're practically my cousin, Red.
RED RIDING HOOD
How did you know...Oh...Well I suppose you're right.
WOLF
Of course, if you prefer I can let you find your way out of these scary woods yourself, goodbye! (wolf pretends to leave sneaking up behind her)
RED RIDING HOOD
Mr. Smith? Mr. Smith! Come back Mr. Smith, please I'm sorry, please help me.
Wolf looks back and forth between the audience and Red. Then gives a sinister smile to the audience.
WOLF
Why, yes young lady. I will be happy to assist you. Now lets make sure I know who this Grandmother lady is. (to the audience) Maybe you can help me. By grandmother does she mean the lady with all those children who lives in that shoe?
(audience reaction)
No? Perhaps, it's that little lady with the wings and the wand, I believe they call her Wanda?
(audience reaction)
No? Could it be the red fuzzy creature who always goes around humming (Elmo's world song)
(audience reaction)
Well, WHAT IS A GRANDMA?
(audience reaction,take a pretend microphone and go out to the audience and get lots of answers. Pick the funniest one to use for the rest of the show to describe grandma)
Okay, I think I've got it. (to Red) Your grandmother is the little old lady who lives in a house and (audience pick).
RED RIDINGHOOD
That's her. Do you know where she lives?
WOLF
Sure I do. (pulls box into upright position one side is chalkboard, he pulls out chalk and draws a map) We are here, and grandma's house is here, so There is that way, right up the path that many like to take and could lead straight to her front door...
RED RIDINGHOOD
Great! That's it. Thank you, bye, bye.
she starts to leave and he grabs her coat and pulls her back
WOLF
But, you don't want to go that way.
